You realise how completely clueless you are when kids become a part of your life. When you're single your most pressing worry is what to wear out for drinks on a Friday night. Once you're married you begin to question whether you actually need to go out at all and when kids become part of your world you realise how many variable there are to so many questions which had never even crossed your mind before they arrived. 
 
Do I let the baby sleep with me? Do I let the baby sleep in my room? If I do that, when do I move the baby into its own room? When do I move the baby from a bassinette to a cot? Do I really need a bassinette at all (I've heard my grandmother say she kept my mum in an open drawer... how does that even work?) And we haven't even begun to talk about eating yet - these are only the sleep related questions!!

So today I wanted to tackle a big one. Well big in that it has a direct impact to your own quantity and quality of sleep after you have made your decision. (And I might add that once you have a baby you then realise how sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture - please I'll tell you everything you want to know, just let me have a sleep!) The big question is, when do you move a child from their cot to a bed?

With my first son (who is now 9 years old) it was all trial and error. Mostly error, we realised a little too late because once you have made your choice you have to live with it. There is no turning back!! So with my first child we moved him from cot to bed when he was two. Mostly because he was so tall and we felt that he would be swinging a leg over the side of the cot any day and we were worried he might fall and hurt himself. So he was duly moved into his big bed at two years and 2 weeks. The result of that move was that he was too young to "get" the rules and kept running from his bed to our room at all hours of the night because he could. (Please I'll give you all my secrets - just let me sleep!)

I went off to the library and borrowed every book I could on toddler sleeping, (sub titled - keeping them in their own bed) and we tried a number of the recommendations out. The only thing that worked for us (and keep in mind that this was almost a year later of broken sleeps and he had not slept well as a baby either... I don't believe I got an unbroken nights sleep for about three years) was threatening to tie his room shut. Yeah, I know, I can hear the horrified intakes of breath from here - but when you're that tied you go with what works.

Please note that we threatened to tie his door shut.  The theory goes that you tie a rope from a door across the hall to your toddler's door and then tie the other end to their door knob. So that they are able to open their door only a tiny smidge yet still can't get out. We did not ever actually do it. Fortunately the threat of it was enough.

Now we come to that point again. My two year old is tall enough to swing a leg over the side of the cot and just get out. So what am I going to do about it?? Well, at the moment I have him sleeping in a backward kids sleeping bag (you know the ones with the arms in them, not the ones you go camping with kids in ..... and it's backwards because he learnt how to undo the zip and strip it off - and sometimes the rest of his clothes (houdini anyone?)). So in this way he can't swing his leg over high enough to actually get out of the cot.

My plan this time (based on my previous experience) will see him sleeping in the cot until he can no longer actually fit in there and then I have no choice but to move him into his "big" bed. At which time we will make a big deal (as recommended by experts) about what a big boy he is and how exciting it is to move to a big boy bed.... and then I guess we get back on with the game of sleep Russian roulette!! 

I'll keep you posted.

Cheers,

Lee

I just had a message posted on my Facebook wall - 19 weeks until Christmas. Yep, that's right you heard it here. It's seems you never have enough time to get everything done and yet Christmas keeps barrelling on down on us.

Any minute now we will be complaining about Christmas Decorations up in stores and seriously why shouldn't we? December is the month of Christmas, so that logically is the month that decorations should actually go up. You can't tell me that if you started putting up Christmas decorations at your place in the first week of September, you're friends wouldn't start regarding you as a little quirky (at the very least). 

The thing is, I understand the importance of being prepared. I am not one of those people who find's joy in racing around in the days just before Christmas madly trying to purchase gifts. I get in early and by early I mean January  (if I spot something special I think someone will like) and I put it away in my present cupboard. This cupboard also stores birthday presents, mothers and fathers days presents .... you get the idea. So, the thing is I get in early. I like early because I like to be prepared. What I don't like is having Christmas rammed down my throat when we should be celebrating other events, milestones and occasions in our lives. Not suffering from a false sense that the year is almost over again... come on, we still have more than a few months left in this one!

Funnily enough, the thing that got me started on this theme was not Christmas decorations and the lunacy of when they go up but rather what to buy the kids for Christmas. I know that this has not been apparent so far in this post before this moment but stay with me and it will become clear.

So what in 2012, do you buy for kids? I came across another post on Facebook the other day where a mother asked whether she should purchase an ipad for her 2 year old. My response was of course, are you kidding me? I haven't even been able to justify the expense of purchasing one for myself - why would I purchase something so expensive for someone who can't even put their own pants on by themselves? (Pull them off yes - but that's a story for another day). I know for a fact my 2 year old doesn't care what is left at the end of his bed, in fact he would be ecstatic with a box. (ahhh, the simplicity of life when you can get excited over a box).

Now, my 9 year old is a different story altogether. He wants what every other 9 year old wants, the "latest thing". This year it's an ipod touch, Bionicles and Skylanders (if you have never heard of Skylanders, you are obviously not hanging with any boys between 5 and 10 - otherwise you'd be drowning in them). Funnily enough, "old school" items are also having a resurgence, such as skateboards and Lego (which has been made over for the 21st Century - read: boxed up, given a theme and is ridiculously expensive).

Now obviously he's not getting everything on his list but how do you choose which is the most appropriate item? Should you make purchases based on how educational the gift is, how much fun it is or do you just get them what they want most (that week) - how do you make your choice?? 

I think at the end of the day, I am most motivated by things which come in one or two large pieces. I am sick of picking small pieces of crap up from yesterdays "must have" disgarded toys so that I can vacuum the carpet.  Which is why it always amuses (no, irritates) me when that ad for Kmart toys comes on and the mum gleefully exclaims over a $25 toy "wow, look at all the pieces!" - are you kidding me? She should be getting excited about it coming in one full piece because it will be less to pick up when the kids are over it and keep leaving it laying around the house!

In fact I find Christmas decorations going up early less annoying than all the toys which come with a multitude of optional pieces (yeah - tech decks, I'm talking about you!) but only just.

So, how about you? Are you an early Christmas shopper or do you save it all to the last moment? What do you look for in a gift for kids? What do your kids just have to have this year? Good luck, give it a month

Cheers,

Lee

So what kind of mother are you? If you didn't catch the article on A Current Affair the other night about Mummy Mafia's you could be forgiven for saying ... well how many categories are there?

According to the latest parenting "expert" (who has written a book), there are at least 80 different kinds on mums. One of those being the chardonnay mum - the mum who can't wait for 5 o'clock to hit, to pour herself a glass of wine. Perhaps it's just the crowd I hang with but that one title alone describes nearly every mum I know. I'm not talking about a throw down alcoholic binge, just a glass to take the edge off at the end of the day. So from where I'm sitting it would have been a very short book if I'd written it. But I digress, those are not the types of mum to which I am referring. What I am talking about comes more down to whether you allow fun in your house, how much of it and what type? 

In downtown Melbourne it has been raining pretty much on and off for the past few weeks. Yes, of course we do get that crack of sunlight which manages to break through every so often but those are few and far between. The significance of this is that there are lots of puddles about the place. So here is the dilemma that causes the great "fun" divide. Do you let your kids go out and jump in said puddles or do you rein them in to cleaner indoor activities so as not to create more unnecessary work for yourself??

You see I kinda get both sides. I am on the "there's your boots, go for it my friend" side of the fence. But I do have a little internal dialogue that goes something like this "it's ok, only his boots will get wet and they're waterproof anyway... OK, so now his pants are getting a little wet.. it's only the bottoms of them. No big deal. Oh, look his pants are pretty much wet to the crotch now. Calm down you can wash it, what does it matter? Oh, now his shirt is getting wet... and look there's mud..." I am sure I am not alone in this internal struggle of fun against dirt.  

At the end of the day, it didn't hurt anyone. It was free entertainment and he was having the most wonderful time, even if I did have to pour the muddy water out of his half full boots at the end.

Seriously, what can you do when you see that happy little face but grab a camera and let him go for it!! But, that's just my opinion and if I was honest I would have to say it has taken me a while to embrace this side, having a bit of an issue with dirt and yet more washing myself.

So which side of this issue do you fall on? I would love to know.

Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend.... it must be nearly 5 o'clock somewhere by now?

Cheers,

Lee

As I have mentioned in a previous post my number one priority as a parent is for my children to be safe, so you can image how very sad I felt for the parents of Olivia Penpraze when I watched the episode on Bullying on Sunday Night (channel 7 last night).

Olivia was subjected to bullying over a prolonged period of time and in an effort to feel she was not alone started trying to connect with others on social media like Facebook and YouTube. How do you keep your children safe when people are then coming into your home and telling your child to kill themselves because they are a waste of space?

The hardest part about bullying is the sense of helplessness. Helplessness for the victim and also for the parents. You want to be able to be able to fix things for your children but you also want them to be able to solve problems for themselves. I really felt for Alex and his mother. Alex,  another victim of bullying was also featured in the Sunday Night episode and is in a new film called Bully in theatres in Australia on August 23rd.  His mother initially thinking he was exaggerating the severity of bullying on the school bus went to see the school after she saw footage of what her son had to endure each day. And you know what they did about it? Nothing. Even after they had viewed the footage. He was being choked, punched, stabbed with pencils and abused..... everyday and they did nothing.  

Now this is not an issue that he was ever going to be able to resolve on his own and he shouldn't have to. This is the time that the parents should be stepping in for him, and they did and nothing came of it. So, as a parent what do we do??

It's unfair to say it is all the schools fault because there are many good teachers who will do something about it and take action on your child's behalf, if they know about it. The biggest tips I got from watching Sunday Night were keep an eye on our kids, watch for any changes in their behaviour, look out for them withdrawing from things they love, keep communication channels open and let them know how much you love them always.

It still doesn't seem like enough though.
 
See ya,

Lee

There are three things that all children need in their lives (aside from the obvious food, water and shelter) and they are;

1. To be safe
2. To be loved
3. To be happy

How we work it at our house is to aim for the top two and if we hit number three, to be happy, that's a bonus. It is not an accident that I have put these points together in that order of preferance - it is essential that it runs in that particular order.  Not having a strong grasp on what they are aiming for and in what order, often sees parents flailing about in parenthood wondering why things aren't happening the way they are supposed to and what went wrong.

Now don't get my wrong. I am not saying that my kids are perfect ... because they certainly are not! (See my previous post Sometimes I don't like my kids very much) What I am saying is that sometimes parents get it arse about and I find it very frustrating to witness.  

I was talking to a friend on the phone a while ago and she was talking about a friend of hers, "oh, she's having a lot of problems with discipline and her daughter. It's really hard for her, she's a single mum and she doesn't know when to put her foot down sometimes. I mean she wants to be her daughter's friend, she doesn't want her not to like her, of course." Now, please don't take this as a rant about single mums (because it certainly is NOT) but come on! Here is where I had to stop myself from really going off. The thing is, you don't carry a child for nine months and then give birth to them because you need more friends, grow up. If you need more friends get off your arse and go out and meet them!

The job of a parent is to mould their kids into decent human beings who contribute to society. If I have to see one more teenage kid going on, on TV about how they hate everyone and they just don't like being told what to do, I think my head might explode. Here's a secret, nobody likes being told what to do. Nobody likes having to go by the rules... but here's the really important part, that's how society functions. Otherwise we might as well be living in the outback with a kill or be killed mentality, everyone for themselves folks, run for your lives!! 

Seriously, if I have to listen to one more parent whining about how their kids won't listen or won't go to bed or won't get on the school bus or whatever it is, I may have to punch them. At the end of the day, you are the parent and if you aren't running the show ... then who is?? I am certainly not saying that kids aren't going to challenge your authority, that's their job. Of course there going to give it a run.

What I am talking about are those crap kids (and their ilk) on 'World's strictest parents'. Contrary to what the parent's state each week, they did not wake up one day and find an uncontrollable jerk living in their house -  those parents have been moulding them into that jerk for years. By making choices for their child to be happy because they haven't wanted to get them off side - "oh no, my child may not like me". (Whatever, some days you don't like them very much either). They have often chosen the easiest way out (at the time), the route that left them feeling most popular. I might point out that the easiest way does not appear so easy when your child becomes a teenager who feels entitled to be happy doing whatever they want, when they want, with whoever they want and you can go and get stuffed while they're at it.   

I often say to my child, it is my job to make sure that he is safe and it is very important for him to know that he is loved - but I will always choose those two over him being happy. I am certainly not saying that as a parent I do not feel fulfilled unless my child is unhappy, that's not it at all. What I am saying is that if they are happy as a by product of being safe and being loved then that's great but I will never give in to just making them happy at the expense of being safe and loved. If that means making the hard or unpopular calls sometimes then, so be it.

The really exciting thing about this method of parenting is that when your children reach adulthood you will want to become friends with them because they are the type of decent human being you would like to hang out with.  

Cheers,

Lee

You know that you love your children no matter what. Sometimes you may not like them very much or the choices they make but you still love them... regardless.

So it is frustrating as a parent to be angry at someone you love so much. The thing about kids is that they know where your "hot" button is and how to push it. You think to yourself I cannot believe they are being so ungrateful or rude or whatever it is, when you have given so much of yourself for them to grow. It is hard to believe when you sneak in to watch your baby sleeping, you listen to their soft breath and look adoringly at their chubby little hands that they can and probably will, turn on you.

Now by turn on you, I am not referring to an extreme situation a la the Menendez Brothers, more a moment of extreme frustration. You know the one. The moment when you are filled with fury and this little voice in your head says "I would never have spoken to my mother like that!!" ... and rightly so, she probably would have belted you into next week.

So now that you are the parent and you are trying to remain calm and not lose control - by completely "losing it". How do you deal with it? Well, as Dr Phil always says "you teach people how to treat you" and I really really believe this to be true. As a parent it is your job to set the boundaries and here is the hard part... actually police that boundary. It is the child's job to see how close they can get to that boundary and perhaps how far over it.

Now I am not saying that this is easy because it certainly is not. On one hand you want your kids to just do what you tell them and behave themselves but on the other you don't want them to go out into the world and except things blindly. You want them to question things, to see how far they can go, to see what they are capable of and what they can achieve. I mean those are good qualities. It's just that when you are already flustered, trying to get dinner, helping with homework and everything else and they keep asking for biscuits or chips or whatever and it's almost dinner time and they just wont let up, you want to scream!

Whilst those trying times are enough to make you want to pull your hair out, it is the moments where they back chat, speak to you like dirt or you find out that they have lied to you which are the ones that chip away at your soul. Not only do they make you feel angry but more than that, hurt. They can create such a great sense of disappointment deep down in your being.

Well, I guess the only thing you can do is... feel hurt. But whilst you do this, dust yourself off take a deep breath and take a good hard look at the boundaries. Look at what you are allowing to happen by the way that you respond to situations. If you let them call you an idiot this week, what's next week?? Every time you let one go through, you are moving the boundary lines and what it is that you will accept as reasonable behaviour.

Nobody said being a parent was easy.... cause it bloody isn't. But you still love them anyway...

Cheers,

Lee