You know that you love your children no matter what. Sometimes you may not like them very much or the choices they make but you still love them... regardless.
So it is frustrating as a parent to be angry at someone you love so much. The thing about kids is that they know where your "hot" button is and how to push it. You think to yourself I cannot believe they are being so ungrateful or rude or whatever it is, when you have given so much of yourself for them to grow. It is hard to believe when you sneak in to watch your baby sleeping, you listen to their soft breath and look adoringly at their chubby little hands that they can and probably will, turn on you.
Now by turn on you, I am not referring to an extreme situation a la the Menendez Brothers, more a moment of extreme frustration. You know the one. The moment when you are filled with fury and this little voice in your head says "I would never have spoken to my mother like that!!" ... and rightly so, she probably would have belted you into next week.
So now that you are the parent and you are trying to remain calm and not lose control - by completely "losing it". How do you deal with it? Well, as Dr Phil always says "you teach people how to treat you" and I really really believe this to be true. As a parent it is your job to set the boundaries and here is the hard part... actually police that boundary. It is the child's job to see how close they can get to that boundary and perhaps how far over it.
Now I am not saying that this is easy because it certainly is not. On one hand you want your kids to just do what you tell them and behave themselves but on the other you don't want them to go out into the world and except things blindly. You want them to question things, to see how far they can go, to see what they are capable of and what they can achieve. I mean those are good qualities. It's just that when you are already flustered, trying to get dinner, helping with homework and everything else and they keep asking for biscuits or chips or whatever and it's almost dinner time and they just wont let up, you want to scream!
Whilst those trying times are enough to make you want to pull your hair out, it is the moments where they back chat, speak to you like dirt or you find out that they have lied to you which are the ones that chip away at your soul. Not only do they make you feel angry but more than that, hurt. They can create such a great sense of disappointment deep down in your being.
Well, I guess the only thing you can do is... feel hurt. But whilst you do this, dust yourself off take a deep breath and take a good hard look at the boundaries. Look at what you are allowing to happen by the way that you respond to situations. If you let them call you an idiot this week, what's next week?? Every time you let one go through, you are moving the boundary lines and what it is that you will accept as reasonable behaviour.
Nobody said being a parent was easy.... cause it bloody isn't. But you still love them anyway...
Cheers,
Lee
So it is frustrating as a parent to be angry at someone you love so much. The thing about kids is that they know where your "hot" button is and how to push it. You think to yourself I cannot believe they are being so ungrateful or rude or whatever it is, when you have given so much of yourself for them to grow. It is hard to believe when you sneak in to watch your baby sleeping, you listen to their soft breath and look adoringly at their chubby little hands that they can and probably will, turn on you.
Now by turn on you, I am not referring to an extreme situation a la the Menendez Brothers, more a moment of extreme frustration. You know the one. The moment when you are filled with fury and this little voice in your head says "I would never have spoken to my mother like that!!" ... and rightly so, she probably would have belted you into next week.
So now that you are the parent and you are trying to remain calm and not lose control - by completely "losing it". How do you deal with it? Well, as Dr Phil always says "you teach people how to treat you" and I really really believe this to be true. As a parent it is your job to set the boundaries and here is the hard part... actually police that boundary. It is the child's job to see how close they can get to that boundary and perhaps how far over it.
Now I am not saying that this is easy because it certainly is not. On one hand you want your kids to just do what you tell them and behave themselves but on the other you don't want them to go out into the world and except things blindly. You want them to question things, to see how far they can go, to see what they are capable of and what they can achieve. I mean those are good qualities. It's just that when you are already flustered, trying to get dinner, helping with homework and everything else and they keep asking for biscuits or chips or whatever and it's almost dinner time and they just wont let up, you want to scream!
Whilst those trying times are enough to make you want to pull your hair out, it is the moments where they back chat, speak to you like dirt or you find out that they have lied to you which are the ones that chip away at your soul. Not only do they make you feel angry but more than that, hurt. They can create such a great sense of disappointment deep down in your being.
Well, I guess the only thing you can do is... feel hurt. But whilst you do this, dust yourself off take a deep breath and take a good hard look at the boundaries. Look at what you are allowing to happen by the way that you respond to situations. If you let them call you an idiot this week, what's next week?? Every time you let one go through, you are moving the boundary lines and what it is that you will accept as reasonable behaviour.
Nobody said being a parent was easy.... cause it bloody isn't. But you still love them anyway...
Cheers,
Lee
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