Now, I am by no means an expert on what to do next. I have spent a good proportion of the last few years wondering what I was doing and what would come next... and since having been off work part time and now full time (and being a full time mum - which just means your hours are crap, your "boss" screams at you and you are forever preparing some type of meal) it really gives you time to ponder what you are actually doing with your life and what your purpose it. Where do you fit?
It seems that life is full of labels, you are someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's wife - but at each of these points, you belong but you are still your own person. You go off into the world to make something of yourself and to leave a mark that says to others "I was here and I was important". But I feel there is a slight power change when you become a mum. When you get to the point that you are someone else's mother (and mothers are very important) you begin to wonder when you stopped being you and started just being someone else's somebody else.
Through multiple discussions with girlfriends on this topic I know that it is not just me who feels this sense of disconnection with the world. Feeling like someone who desperately wants to find their "place" but just doesn't know where to start looking. It's like starting out on a journey and you don't know where you are going, you just know theres a journey involved.
So the hard part starts with actually working out where you want to go and what you want to do. So, where do you want to go?? And don't give me all that palava about being too busy to do anything either... if you found something you enjoyed enough the time would appear.
It almost seems a little selfish to be looking for a purpose and I know that is something which plagues many women on this journey of self discovery (yes, I know I'm generalising but men hardly ever suffer guilt for this reason). You find yourself surfing the net or sitting comatose infront of the television after you have finished dealing with everyone else problems.... and all the mess they have created in the process. And you might come across something about a person with no arms, or legs, or a tsunami somewhere or even a shooting... and you reprimand yourself for being so selfish about finding a purpose for yourself when there are people in the world who are really suffering. But you still have that hole and that need for purpose even after that.....
Well, all I can say is that there is still plenty of time to discover. Try new things, go different places, surf the net .. I'm not saying you will find the answer but maybe the journey will lead you somewhere that will. Take some time to look after the person who does all the looking after ... after all, you'd do it for them, why not you?