School holidays are slowly drawing to a close and it has really seemed like a long time coming. For the most part we have just hung around the house interspersed with visits to the movies, Science Works and heading into the city for Hot Chocolates.

At about this time (towards the end) I have run out of activities and am quite looking forward to the start of the new term and the return of my regular weekly routine. It's hard to find space for yourself and a little bit of breathing room when you are running around trying to keep another smaller person entertained and not drag them to too many of your regular day to day activities ... cause everything you do is so "boring".

Well to add to the mix we have decided to pop up to Sydney for a few days to

catch up with family and attend my sister in laws 30th birthday party. As my 9 year old doesn't get to spend a whole lot of time with family I thought it would be an excellent idea for him to head up and spend a few days with his cousins before I head up for the party (don't worry his father has taken him up - it's not like he's kicking back watching the in flight shows and taking charge of his own life). He was so excited about going he wanted to pack his bag the minute the conversation finished about whether he should actually go or not. 

He was given strict instructions to re-wear some clothes (at home, just like Cher - he goes through a number of costume changes a day) as you can only fit so much in an overhead cabin bag and further instruction to change his underwear everyday (he does at home but who the hell knows how literal kids are going to be with the re-wear instructions). 

So, we got busy packing the bag for him to take and working out what I am going to bring up for him to wear to the party - but once I took a breather to work out what we were doing next it started to make me feel a little bit panicked. I got up this morning to make sure he had everything in (good thing too - we had forgotten p.js) and to see them off at the door (The two year old still being in bed). As I went to give him a hug, kiss and final instructions on the good bye (you know, use your manners,,, that sort of thing) it started to make me feel really sad. How is it, that you can't wait to get some space back but as soon as you get it you start to feel panicked. I know he'll be looked after, hell, I'll be there myself with him in two days. What is it about your children, that they affect you so deeply??

I remember the first time I dropped his little brother (then 3 months) off at the creche gym for an hour and had to stop myself from blubbering at the door on the way out - with a stern lecture to myself, which involved pulling myself together and the fact that I wasn't even leaving the building and I would actually be in the next room.

I am sure once the day gets into the swing of things and my two year old is up we will be fine
but it feels like a little piece of me just got in the car and drove to the airport and I miss him already...... jeez, how sad am I. 



07/11/2012 3:19am

yesss its funny like that....
Last week of school I was told Aaron is going to the aquarium for a school excursion at the end of July I immediately asked to go how are they going to be capable of looking after him ....what if he plays up etc this is my autistic kid for god sake!!! They dont need me but OMG am i ever going to worry all day when he goes .... I am sure it will be fine and the teachers will do a great job looking after him but my heart is in my throat still!!

07/11/2012 3:25am

And it probably always will be! That's the joy of kids I guess ... does it ever get easier I wonder??


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